The Michael Rhudy Self Help Series: A Friendventory

It was a few years ago that I began having these realizations about life, love and relationships. I am not sure what had kept me in the dark so long, but I got by okay. There are some things I realized though that would have served me much better had I come to realize them earlier in life. I don't know of any one trigger that made these realizations come to be, but they did, and I am much better off for it.

For the first two and a half decades of my life, I failed to realize the level a large number of people function on. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I do tend to take into consideration what is best for all and exercise a level of fairness and understanding in most any situation. Maybe it was too much TV growing up as this is how many 80s sitcoms resolved their issues. I failed to realize that for many, many people this not how they operate. Man is a very self serving, greedy and selfish being. I don't mean to say that I am free of these vices. However, I don't see them as being adjectives used when one describes me either.

For the most part, I can tolerate and accept these personal shortcomings on the part of strangers. A rude clerk at the grocery store incurs my pity over my ire. That boorish ass at the mall who feels the need to berate a sales clerk to impress his buddies or his children he is raising to be as stupid as he is sad to me. People such as this live a sad state of fear and cowardice that they feel showing kindness or tolerance will make them appear weak and make them feel weak in their own fragile state of mind. What a sad way to live that one has to be an asshole to feel good about himself or herself.

This is where the friendventory comes in. Yes, I made that word up! A few years ago, I took a look at those who I considered among my close friends. I realized that the company one keeps can have a great impact on the quality of life one enjoys. I kind of reevaluated my own definition of friends and friendship. The definition I came up with is something like this.

From the Rhudy Dictionary, Volume I

FRIEND: noun One that a person shares a mutual respect with, one that can be trusted, one who offers constructive criticism and support when needed, one who shares common interests and offers help when needed.

FRIENDSHIP: noun: The act of being a friend in public and private.

FRIEND: verb A silly ass way of saying you sent somebody a friend request. Example: I friended you on Facebook yesterday.

I asked myself if I was exercising these qualities to those in my social circle. In some ways I was not. I could be too quick to condemn and idea or find it laughable when the better course of action would have been to offer and explanation as to why I found fault with the matter.

The next question I asked was if those in my social circle were acting according to my definition of friend. That is where I started some inventory reduction. There were a few that I had remained close with, or attempted to at least based on seniority alone. I had known them a long time and come to tolerate some of their insults or just boorish behavior in general. There was one who showed a complete lack of respect for my time as we'd often plan to do something only to have him cancel at the last minute. There was another who sought to make himself look intelligent in the company of others by casting insults or condescending comments my way.

My social circle shrank as I began putting distance between myself and these people. It would seem that the end of such old friendships would be a sad thing. It was not. In fact it was quite liberating and fulfilling. I had reached a point in my life that I had enough respect for myself to say enough is enough and go my own way. I didn't need the company of these people as I had in the past. I really wished I had come to such realizations earlier in life. Another benefit of the friendventory was that I came to value even more highly those that had not been purged. I valued their friendship on a completely new level as I came to realize what they mean to me and just how good these people are and what good friends they are.

For those that were cut, bridges were not completely burned. I still talk to them from time to time and even enjoy their company at times. However, they are not the trusted confidants I once relied on through thick and thin.

The friendventory was both a means by which to improve my quality and life and my self-esteem at the same time. It was a valuable social lesson that has been repeated a few more times through the years with more purges and more recognition of what friendship really means and how much a true friend should be valued.