Summertime Memories: Wasting Time At A Timeshare

This blog has not been proofread.

It was the summer of 1993 and I had received and unexpected last minute invitation to join my other mom Jeannie, her husband Tom and daughter Stephanie on a trip to Florida. Seriously, it was like the day before they called and asked if I wanted to go. I was most happy to join them and we were on our way. As we made the trip down to Florida, those countless billboards advertising "FREE DISNEY AND UNIVERSAL TICKETS" caught Jeannie's eye. We stopped and were told that if we went and heard a proposal for a Timeshare we would get our free tickets and not have to buy a thing and get a free breakfast to boot. How could we pass this up?

It was a day or two later we went to the Timeshare village to hear the proposal and get our tickets. The place had some Timeshare apartments and a pool and game room. The salesman that greeted us, Dennis, took us for fools. Knowing we were from Chattanooga, Dennis made an attempt at familiarity by saying he had friends that lived in Chattanooga "on the mountain". I inquired "Which one?" All he could reply with was "the mountain". This was a good precursor to the fool that Dennis was.

The free breakfast was the typical fare and tasted fair. After we finished eating, we all stepped outside where Tom and the salesman had an entertaining conversation. I remember Dennis telling us his 15 year old son was a super genius that was all ready in medical school. He also informed us his son was a computer guru skilled in using "the computer that was used in Desert Storm". Without missing a beat, Tom replied "Oh the Commodore." "That's the one" said the salesman with instant recognition. Even in 1993 The Commodore was an outdated machine. Jeannie told Tom we all wanted to go to Universal that day so he needed to stop making a fool out of the salesman.

Well, our next stop was a dining room where we sat and listened to the salesman's pitch. The walls were adorned with celebrities thanking Timeshare for renting them a fine apartment. If you are unfamiliar with Timeshares, they are apartments you pay for all year round but get to use two weeks a year. Supposedly, they save you on hotel room costs when you go on vacation. In 1993 they were running about $500-1000/year if I recall correctly. Even at 15 years old, my thought was "What if I can't afford to go on vacation that year, I pay for this apartment anyway..."

I remember paying scant attention to what Dennis was saying and passed the time checking out the girl sitting by the pool. Every few minutes my pleasant distraction was interrupted by a ringing bell and an announcement. An old guy ringing a hand bell would stand up with a microphone and announce, "Attention everybody, attention everybody, Joe and Jane Dumas of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania just purchased a Timeshare unit!" The salesmen and saleswomen in the crowd would respond in turn with cheers in applause. No, I am not making this up. A few minutes later, another sucker would sign a contract to purchase an apartment he or she probably could not afford and might never use so that same old guy could get up there with his bell and microphone and announce their blunder to all in the room.

Timeshares were sold with a method that should be a warning flag for any potential buyer. You had to make your decision that very day. If you said no, then you would never again have the opportunity to purchase an overpriced apartment for which you will have limited use. Anytime that is the case with making a purchase, I walk away. Any product worth purchasing can be researched a bit before a decision is made. The salesman tried to explain this by saying, "Timeshare does this so we won't disturb you with more sales pitches during the rest of your vacation." Hogwash.

Tom and Jeannie turned down this shared piece of overpriced real estate to which the salesman accepted. However, he had to go get his supervisor who could verify he had shared with us all the wonderfulness that Timeshare had to offer. Well, the supervisor was the same old guy who kept ringing that bell and disturbing my eyeballing the girl by the pool. He said that since we turned down Dennis' offer, he was going to sweeten the offer by adding a rental car to the deal. Dennis asked the old guy in amazement, "They get the apartment AND the rental car?!!!" "Yes Dennis they do," replied the old guy. It was a performance worthy of an Oscar. Tom and Jeannie still said no.

Finally, we had been there almost two hours and it seemed like four. I was anxious to go see Universal Studios. With Tom and Jeannie's second refusal we were sent down to the basement of the place to pick up our tickets. Here the man handing out the tickets asked, "Would you be interested in a Timeshare resale?" AAARRGH! We were never going to get out of this place. Again the answer was no. We finally got our tickets and were on our way. During the rest of the trip, we noticed several signs offering "Timeshare Resales" showing the folly of those less wise than Tom and Jeannie.

The rest of the vacation was a great trip that I always remember with fondness. Tom could make even a boring Timeshare pitch fun. He was good at making most any situation a learning experience and so oftentimes, good for a laugh.