Michael Rhudy Self Help Series: Motivations of the Rude and Surly

On a summer time road trip, I listened to Tuesdays With Morrie on an audiobook. If you have not had the chance to enjoy this book, I highly recommend it. The conversations between the author and his beloved professor are very enjoyable but there was one thing in the book that was shared that had the most impact. Morrie states that people are mean or cruel when they are afraid. How profound.

People are mean or cruel when they are afraid.

I see a lot of truth in this statement. Think of the cat cornered by another feline or the dog who suddenly finds itself greeted by some suspicious canine. The reaction of hissing or bearing of teeth is how the animal attempts to ward off the prey that has made it feel threatened or vulnerable.

The rude or mean person, be it a stranger, family member or perhaps a friend operates very much along the same lines. These are delicate folks that feel that any level of kindness exposes their soft underbelly to a vicious and cruel world. They will say of their actions, "I don't care what people think" or something along those lines. In truth, they care very much what people think. They must protect themselves by not allowing themselves to perceived as weak or powerless, hence they must be surly or rude to others so people know how "tough" they are.

Morrie's thoughts on the matter were no new revelation to me, but did present my own ideas in a new light. My thoughts on the matter was that those who are rude and mean are in fact cowards.

Rude people are that way because they fear too much looking weak.

I came this conclusion when I realized the actions of those who make rude or cruel comments. Some look you right in the eye, looking for that reaction of anger or hurt feelings. They are feeding their own weak egos by looking for some validation in their comment or remark. Some might say they are being more of a man by "looking the other person in the eye" but I say hogwash. If they were much of a man, such remarks would not be made in the first place. To me a man is one who can convey a disagreement or his own thoughts on the matter without being an asshole. If you have to be an asshole to get your point across, you have some growing up to do. There are those also who make their remarks while looking at others in the room, looking more for the crowd's pleasure at how tough they are. This is even more pathetic than the aforementioned example. If one has to advertise his or her rude ways and is that way to be entertaining for the crowd, it only shows that person to be an asshole accompanied with low self esteem. What a combination!

There was a time in my earlier years of life that rude or mean people got to me and quite easily and quickly I might add. Rude remarks from a stranger or so called friend would fire me up with equal speed. Today, my fuse is not so short.

I have come to more pity these people of low courage and constant fear. I wonder what in their life caused them such great insecurity that their only defense is to be needlessly rude or insulting. As far as so called friends go, I have put some distance between those in that category and I. I may not have written them off completely, but I don't maintain their toxic presence on the level I once did. I decided to just feel sorry for them and not allow myself to be subject to their cowardly ways. I refuse to return such behavior as I now understand just how low class it reveals a person to be.

When it comes to a stranger, I find such behavior tragically comical. One day, my friend Brian and I were filming a scene in front of what we thought was a derelict building. Turns out it was still an operating business. The proprietor came out and said, "Take that shit and get out of here!" I chuckled as I said, "Okay" and complied with the poor man's wishes. The rude store clerk will also get a laugh from me as I ponder their tragic plight or stupidity. Whichever the case may be.

You can make your point and stand your ground without being rude or mean.

Taking up for yourself or getting your fair shake does not constitute rude or mean behavior. It took me longer in life to realize this. However, "No" can be conveyed with a gentle or even firm tone without being insulting or demeaning. If you have a good reason for feeling the way you do, by all means share it. However, if a body delights in doing so in a demeaning or insulting way, not only does his or her opinion matter less to the person it is given to, the person is also shown to be of less intelligence for having to convey it that way.

Some Idiotic Quotes From Rude People I Have Known

I'm just an asshole.

Translated: I am so insecure I have to delight in being a jerk to others to feel good about myself.

That's just the way I am.

Translated: I lack the intelligence to function without being rude or surly.

These are just some random thoughts on a Wednesday night, but perhaps you can chew on them a while and have some revelation about why people are the way they are and how you can understand them better, if not tolerate them better, or better yet, brighten your own day with some laughter directed at them.